Here's what you're waiting for...

There will be a moment when you're loved one expresses a desire to change. When this happens you want them to take ACTION steps to ensure they're succesfull with that change.  

While you're working on the things above, be on the lookout for "moments of clarity". 

The whole reason why you're working so hard to improve the relationship is so that when the time comes, you're opinion, advise, or suggestion will be welcomed (or at least taken into consideration).  

Try not to give suggestions about getting help, going to meetings, or going to treatment until you have your moment. It's a moment when you're loved one will be open to change. Often times, it comes after something negative happens.  

They'll be moving into the Preparation or Action Stage of Change (see videos about stages of change, if you haven't already).  

This is when you can make a suggestion for taking steps toward getting help. 

You want it to be something more than "I'll stop drinking, drugging, etc...." If they're going to really change, there's going to need to be some sort of action steps. Because otherwise (even if they really mean it), they'll slide back into old behaviors.

To make a major change like this, they're going to need to do some things differently. (hopefully, they'll have already worked through all their "bargains" and will be ready to really do something different!)  

***Remember*** Don't pounce! You are simply going to open the door and see if they'll step through it. 

If they agree that __________________________ option, might be good for them, offer to help make the phone calls or set something up. 

As long as they don't say "hell no", you keep moving forward.  

Once you have them on board, you need to move VERY quickly! Which is why you need to have already decided what types of help might be best for your situation.  

SERIOUSLY....DON'T WAIT UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE TO FIGURE THIS OUT! See the section below about Treatment Options, so that you'll be armed and ready when the time comes.  

P.S. There is also a list of questions you should ask the treatment center/recovery house/counseling program when you make the calls. You can find it under the downloads tab. 

Understanding Treatment Options

While you're working on reparing your relationship and opening the door to recovery, you need to be looking at treatment options. Because once you get your moment, you want to know exactly what to do next. You definitely don't want to be scrambling to get treatment options lined up at the last minute. 


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