Before you do anything else, it's important to get your head on straight. The videos below, will help you get clarity for the journey to come.
Nothing about this process is going to be fair.
I'm going to be asking you to do some really hard things. You're going to feel like you're constantly biting your tongue, and you're going to think you're being WAY nicer (to your loved one) than they deserve.
Here's what I want you to know... YES, YOU ARE CORRECT! You are being WAY nicer to them than they deserve!
It might even feel like you're enabling. In fact other people, might even feel the need to tell you that you are enabling.
This is when you might want to revisit your "WHY "(from the first section).
This process is NOT about being fair, it's about being STRAGETIC!
Remember your goal is to save your family. Even though it's going to get very uncomfortanble at times, it will be worth it in the end.
These are some of the core principles of the CRAFT method. These are not to be considered "one and done" steps. There will be some trial and error, and you'll need to repeat these steps as necessary.
While you're working on the things above, be on the look out for "moments of clarity".
The whole reason why you're working so hard to improve the relationahip is so that when the time comes, you're opinion, advise, or suggestion will be welcomed (or at least taken into consideration).
Try not to give suggestions about getting help, going to meetings, or going to treatment until you have your moment. It's a moment when you're loved one will be open to change. Often times, it comes after something negative happens.
They'll be moving into the Prepartation or Action Stage of Change (see videos about stages of change, if you haven't already).
This is when you can make a suggestion for taking steps toward getting help.
You want it to be something more than "I'll stop drinking, drugging, etc...." If they're going to really change, there's going to need to be some sort of action steps. Because otherwise (even if they really mean it), they'll slide back into old behaviors.
To make a major change like this, they're going to need to do some things differently. (hopefully, they'll have already worked through all their "bargains" and will be ready to really do something different!)
***Remember*** Don't pounce! You are simply going to open the door and see if they'll step through it.
If they agree that __________________________ option, might be good for them, offer to help make the phone calls or set something up.
As long as they don't say "hell no", you keep moving forward.
Once you have them on board, you need to move VERY quickly! Which is why you need to have already decided what types of help might be best for your situation.
SERIOUSLY....DON'T WAIT UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE TO FIGURE THIS OUT! See the secton below about Treatment Options, so that you'll be armed and ready when the time comes.
P.S. There is also a list of questions you should ask the treatment center/recovery house/counseling program when you make the calls. You can find it under the downloads tab.
While you're working on reparing your relationship and opening the door to recovery, you need to be looking at treatment options. Because once you get your moment, you want to know exactly what to do next. You definitely don't want to be scrambling to get treatment options lined up at the last minute.